Not So Halloweeny FEAR & Moving To Monthly Blog Posts

Fear

I hope you all had a safe and Happy Halloween!  Today, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about FEAR considering the holiday that we celebrated this weekend.

This is a photo I took months ago at a Blue October show in Dallas.  The lead singer, Justin, is an inspiration of someone who has overcome a lot of fear in his life, not to mention, an incredibly talented performer.

From a list ranging of things from drugs, alcohol and suicidal thoughts, I’ve heard him say how he had times where he’d play a show and not only not be able to be present with the audience, but that he’d meet people and not remember them.  Sadly, I can relate.  I hated myself for so long and didn’t even realize it, so I’d continue to do things to hate myself to stay in that familiar place.

It took me many years of working with multiple coaches to work through all of my mess to where I could love myself and want the best life I could have.  Now, my greatest passion is helping others be able to do the same.  I love helping people see the ways that they are sabotaging their greatness so that they can live their life to their fullest potential.

A few months ago, I was being interviewed for a friends book where she was interviewing female entrepreneurs and since she is a performer herself, she asked me the question “if you could have a theme song for your business, what would it be” where I replied, “Fear, by Blue October” which I know was a very odd response.

I then explained how I used to let FEAR run my life and that I would sabotage myself all the time and that this song was so inspiring to me to see the transition that Justin has made in his life and it is a reminder for me to keep pushing and believing that anything is possible, including the joy that I have been able to find over the past few years after being so miserable for so long.

I saw Blue October in Richardson, Texas at a show a few months after this one above where Justin was so connected to the audience that he even came out and jumped around and sang with us.  Now, I’ve been privileged enough over the past 12 years to book and work with multiple celebrities to speak at events and even gotten to meet a few of my biggest idols, so I’ve noticed over the years that sadly nothing seems to phase me anymore…so, it was a joy to be giddy with my husband and our friend as we were walking away from the show saying “I touched him” like we were in high school, lol.  What a joy to see someone transform so much into such a powerful influencer with a very strong and inspiring message to share with others.  It is always an honor to see him perform and makes my heart sing with joy.

If you’ve never seen Blue October’s video for the song FEAR, CLICK HERE and for an extra bonus, here is the ACOUSTIC VERSION.

Here is a PREVIOUS FEAR POST that I wrote about where I shared in more detail all of the things I used to be scared of and how I managed to go towards them and not let the FEAR win.  Since that post, I got married (9 months ago) and have spoken to groups of hundreds of people and both of these things that I would have thought to be so scary in the past have brought me so much joy.

I also had an experience where I spoke in front of some of the top speaker agents in the world and had more fear penetrating through my body than I knew possible and wanted so bad just to run off the stage and quit, but I worked through my shaking, terrified trembling body and voice and did it anyway.  I managed to loosen up a bit before it was all over, but it prepared me to now speak in front of hundreds of people and be okay with it.  If we can manage to continue to put ourselves in situations that scare the crap out of us, it gets easier and easier and we can live out our greatness and do what we were born to do, as a result.

What causes you fear that you know you really want to do?
What steps can you take today, this week, this month to go towards that thing so you can stop sabotaging your greatness?

Are you willing to commit to taking a scary step so you can find true joy and be the person you are here to be?

TRIESSENCE has moved to a monthly blog post versus bi-weekly, so my apologies in waiting so long to get one out.

In the meantime, I hope you find a way to figure out something that scares you, but you know you want to do and DO IT ANYWAY.

How Much Do You Believe In Yourself?

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“Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself.” – Robert Collier

I love this quote and it makes me wonder why some of us believe in ourselves and some of us don’t.

At what point do we lose our confidence and think we aren’t capable of certain things?

Is it when we hear growing up that we are not good at x but good at something else?

Is it when we get our heart broken for the first time that we lose confidence in ourselves?

Is it when we try something and fail, even on the first go round?

At what point do we begin to stop loving ourselves enough to believe in ourselves?

I have done many things throughout the course of my life that I wasn’t very proud of and punished myself for them over many years.  I also had some self hatred for myself and self sabotage going on until I had enough and decided to get some help and let coaches show me how much I had stopped loving myself.

Would you be willing to ask yourself these questions?

Where do you judge yourself?

Are your thoughts to yourself loving or critical?

When I am working with my life coaching clients, I’m amazed at how much we judge ourselves and the amount of self doubt we can have.

Do you believe you are capable of doing anything you want to do?  If not, why not?  And I don’t necessarily mean something like going to the Olympics if you haven’t been training to be an athlete for years, but even some of the simple things you’d like to do, but don’t believe that you can.  Things like starting a new career or your own business, finishing school, writing a book, having a healthy relationship, having a child, etc.

Would you be willing to start being a little more kinder to yourself?  You know, we are what we think we are and we attract what we are thinking about, so the more we think negatively about ourselves, the more we will continue to feel that way and keep acting as we tell ourselves we are.

What if you took the next week and only thought positive things about yourself?  You could make a list of positive characteristics that you have and read them to yourself a couple of times a day and be grateful that you are those wonderful things.

Then, when you feel the negative self talk creeping up, go back to the list.  If you practice looking at them enough, you will remember some of them when you begin to get caught up in those moments and begin to say them to yourself until it becomes natural to feel that way about yourself and regain your confidence in who you are.  We all have unique gifts, talents and characteristics that we can appreciate.  And you’d be amazed at how much others will begin to see them too (if they are not already) when we start to appreciate them and are living them ourselves.

The best thing you can do in those moments of self doubt and negative talk is to switch to focusing on the positive and be grateful that you have those beautiful characteristics.  You might be surprised at how far being grateful for what you do have can get you and you might even start to find yourself making goals and steps towards some of the things you’d like to accomplish.

I challenge you to start listening to what you tell yourself and ask yourself if that is really true and perhaps start working towards proving yourself wrong.  And if you really want to get crazy, add in some words that you know you have faith you can be and want to be like, “I am confident” or “I am successful” and sit back and watch what happens 😉

Thank You, Thumbtack!

Bestof2015ImageThank you, Thumbtack for the #1 Marriage Counselor in Dallas award on your “Best of 2015 – Marriage Counselors in Dallas” list!

If you have never heard of Thumbtack, I highly encourage you to check it out.  You can search for any services in your city and find the perfect match for you by learning more information about the person or company and being able to read reviews.

It is no cost to the person seeking the service since the professional pays to use the service.  You can find anything from a pet sitter to a life coach to a painter.  All you have to do is submit your request for what you are looking for and you will receive 5 quotes from professionals in your area.

I have been working with some wonderful clients as a result of Thumbtack and I highly recommend it!

Thank you, Thumbtack, I am a big fan!

Why I Loved Being Technology Free For A Week

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I just returned from a vacation where I was technology free for 8 days and it was truly amazing.

I had only done this once before since the time I started carrying a cell phone.  However, I had never actually left it at home where I didn’t even look at my phone to see if there were any emergencies.  Traveling out of the country, this created a bit of anxiety, but I got over it very quickly.

Locking my phone up in my glove box at the airport gave me a little bit of anxiety.  I was wondering what I may miss and concerned about any messages coming through.  It was my 40th birthday and I was also worried about coming across as rude when I received birthday wishes and didn’t respond.

It was important of course to set it up to where I had things covered as much as possible. My family and in-laws knew the hotel information to call in case of a family emergency and  I had someone covering my business for me that was on my out of office on email voice mails for people to know who to contact in my absence.

As soon as I arrived at the beautiful resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, I forgot all about it.  Literally, any anxiety about it disappeared and I immediately started relaxing and enjoying myself.  If you are used to working a lot or being attached to your phone, this may have to be a conscious decision that you have to make for yourself, but it came pretty easy for me.

What I learned from being technology free for 8 days:

  1. I didn’t miss my phone.  At all.
  2. There were no emergencies.
  3. Life went on just fine back home without me.
  4. People are so addicted to their phones that I even spotted one guy in the pool with a waterproof cover wrapped around his neck so he could have it on him while he was floating in the water.
  5. I found #4 to be very sad.
  6. I am so much more present with my husband and the people around me without the distraction of technology.
  7. I want to make this a yearly tradition to take time to go without technology.  I think it’s healthy to see how dependent we are on it and to take a break.
  8. I’d like to use my phone less.
  9. Through discussing it with a friend upon my return, I was reminded that productivity in the workplace is astonishingly low due to being able to use cell phones during working hours.
  10. I survived.  And, you would too.  I highly recommend it!

If a whole week scares you, perhaps try starting with small bits of time.  Would you be willing to give yourself a little break from your phone this weekend?

I believe anything we can do to be more present for ourselves and to others is the greatest PRESENT we can possibly give ourselves and each other.

Cheers to less phones and more real face to face connection!

P.S. If you did the 2 week meditation challenge I posted on my last blog, I would love to hear how it went for you.  Feel free to shoot me an email at tessa@findyourtriessence.com.

Meditation Is The #1 Thing To Reduce Anxiety: A Simple 2 Week Challenge

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Meditation is the #1 thing to reduce anxiety.  So, do you ever take time to meditate and spend some time in silence?  It’s OK if you don’t, but perhaps you’d consider doing this simple 2 week meditation challenge?

When I’m working with my coaching clients and if we get to the point where we discuss meditation being a good thing for them to add into their life (this is usually with every client!), I notice a common theme.  I find that even when I walk through and send instructions over on how to do the meditation, people have anxiety come up around sitting alone with their thoughts and just breathing or think they won’t be able to sit still long enough.

I’ve had people come back and say they did audio meditations instead and other techniques and then I end up having the conversation of how important it is just to try and do a basic meditation.  I’m not knocking audios as I do them too sometimes, but the point is to also get used to being alone in silence and try meditating that way as well.

First off, if you have fear or concerns around anything around meditation and religion, I just want to clarify that you are not worshipping Buddha or anything just by meditating and paying attention to your breath.  You are just taking time to focus on your breath so that over time you can have more moments of silence to slow down all of the chatter in our minds.

While the end goal could be to have complete & total silence and nothingness, it’s an honor when we have that happen for a moment in meditation.  For the most part, we just have small spurts of time with no thought and we have to remind ourselves to go back to our breath and it starts to retrain us when we are in the real world to have less of the constant stress and chatter in our minds.

Meditation also helps lower blood pressure, relieves depression & fear, improves your mood and emotional intelligence, increases mental focus, improves energy, helps lessen and prevent asthma, fibromyalgia, arthritis and so many other benefits too long to list, but you get the idea.

If you’d like to give it a try, here’s my suggestion for a two week challenge for yourself.

For meditation: Find a comfortable seated position trying to sit with your knees below your hips possibly using a pillow or blanket underneath your seat.  Sit up nice and tall and palms facing up can be for receiving, palms down for grounding or do whatever is comfortable for you if neither of those call to you.  Close your eyes and just focus on your breath.  Your only job is to breathe deep breaths in through your nose and out through your nose.  Try to extend the inhales and exhales as time goes on.  As thoughts come in just let them pass through without judging them and go back to your breath.  That’s all you have to do.  I typically set an alarm on my phone and mine still works even with my phone on silent, but the volume up.  I use the “harp” on my iPhone as the noise to make when it ends to come out of it a little more peacefully.  Play around with doing it in the morning and then some in the evening and see what you like better.  There are a few 2ce a day goals below where you can do it both times and see if you notice a difference doing it twice that day also.  Even if you have to go back and “start over” by going back to your breath 100 times in a minute because you catch your brain going, that’s ok, just start over as many times as it takes & go back to your breath.

Week 1 –

Day 1: 1 min 2ce this day
Day 2: 2 min
Day 3: 3 mins 2ce this day
Day 4: 4 mins
Day 5: 5 mins
Day 6: 5 mins
Day 7: off

Week 2 –

Day 1:  6 mins
Day 2: 7 mins
Day 3:  8 mins twice this day
Day 4: 9 min
Day 5: 10 min
Day 6: 10 min
Day 7: off

Then, after those few weeks, I would decide on a time frame that you like best and stick with that for at least 3 more weeks until it can become a habit.  This is one of the best things we could all do for ourselves and our well being.  You may be surprised that it could turn out to where you start to look forward to that time of your day, kind of like taking a mini vacation!

Speaking of vacation, I’m headed out for one next week, so this will be my last blog until August 14th.  Going to celebrate my belated honeymoon and big 40th bday at the beach getting my surf on.

In the meantime, I hope you consider taking the two week meditation challenge!

Take good care of you.

I Would Have To Say The Actual Event Is Better Than The Anticipation!

angelbraceletI would have to say the actual event is better than the anticipation.  That is, if you can be present at the event.  Here’s a photo from one of my favorite moments from the day that I talked about on my last blog.

My dream came true of getting to dance with my dad and finally celebrate my marriage.  Even though it was just a family dinner and nothing super fancy, we still had my dad walk me outside following my sweet niece pictured above dropping rose petals where they led me to my wonderful husband where my dad said a prayer for us to bless our marriage.

Planning a family dinner was like planning a mini wedding, but it turned out to be absolutely perfect!  And, the event WAS way better than the anticipation of it!  I got to be very blessed by some beautiful ladies earlier that afternoon that threw me a shower and celebrate with some amazing women and I was very honored.

It’s a bit overwhelming when the party is over and you are sitting in a room full of gifts feeling so loved by so many.  I was amazed at what people did for us and am so grateful.  I made it a point to be as present as I could be in every moment.

Back to the picture…I had given my niece a couple of gifts as awards for being the best “flower girl” and about 10 minutes later, while I was dancing with my dad, she came up and gave me the bracelet she was wearing.  It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.  How does a tiny little 3 year old brain think to do something like that?  Almost like in a funny peace offering sort of way or just “hey, you gave me something, now I want to give you this” and I found out later it was her favorite one.

I still have that bracelet sitting out where I can see it every day and remember such a sweet memory.  To see that beautiful face look up at me with the sweetest angelic little face is a memory I will remember for the rest of my life.

Next time you are anticipating an event, I encourage you to try and be present in all of the moments.  The planning – breathe through the stress and enjoy it because it should be fun too…the actual event – plan ahead and have someone with you to help take care of things so you can enjoy every moment happening around you.

I will also never forget the anticipation of our pool getting ready before the party.  We’ve been remodeling our new home for months and up until a few days prior it was an ugly  hole full of rust.  I just kept telling myself not to worry and that it would all be done in time.  It became swimmable at 4pm the day of the party and our family started arriving at 5pm.  So, my husband and I christened the pool by jumping in fully clothed.  Dress, dress shirt and all.  It was a blast!

Amazing things happen to us all the time and can happen in a flash and be gone in an instant.  If you are present and soaking it all in, the memories can last a lifetime.

Here’s to you having many loving and happy memories to last you a lifetime.

Hope you have a safe and happy weekend!

Is The Anticipation Or The Actual Event Better?

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Is the anticipation or the actual event better?

I’ve been asking myself that this week as I get ready to prepare to have a belated wedding celebration with my family.  I got married in February and we decided to do our vows just the two of us and have a party later.  We decided to have a family dinner for the party and that is happening this weekend.

Some wonderful ladies are also throwing me a girly shower this weekend, so I am over the top excited about both of them.  This is my first marriage at 39 years old and I have butterflies in my tummy for the dinner and shower tomorrow like a 10 year old girl.

I’m wondering if the anticipation is better or the actual event?  For over a month I’ve been planning and buying stuff for the dinner and having a blast making plans.  I have caught myself even wondering what it will be like when everyone leaves that night because it will all be over and it seems sad.

Then, I realize that’s not being present and staying in the moment and this is teaching me to live more moment to moment and enjoy it all.

Today, I have a list of more things than I can probably possibly get done, but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.

And stay tuned for next time where I discover which is better…the anticipation or the event.

I’m not sure I would want the event happening in the picture above, but as a previous surfer, I imagine the anticipation alone would be totally worth it.

Are You Going To Take Time For You This Weekend?

IMG_1310Are you going to take time for you this weekend?

What do you love to do and can you make sure you take a little bit of time to do one of the things you love this weekend?

Maybe it’s reading a book, going to the lake or looking at a body of water, having brunch with a friend, taking a nice long bubble bath, whatever the case may be, can you make a commitment to give yourself some you time this weekend?

I am going to go to a rodeo with my family because it’s a family tradition that my dad and I have been doing for about 15 years now.  My mom has been to most of them with us and my husband joined us last year and he will be coming with us again this year.  The fun thing is that my grandmother is going with us also.  She’s never been with us, so I’m really looking forward to it!

It is such a special time of year for me when I get to do this with my family, so that is my treat to myself this weekend.

Are you willing to pick something right now that you love to do and make a promise to yourself that you will do it this weekend?  When we do things we love, it can re-energize and re-juvenate us like nothing else.

Wishing you a great one and hope you have a chance to love on your family or someone special also this weekend.

You Can Do It!

jessicaYou can do it!

Do you think that you can?  We are all capable of so much more than we believe.

Last week, I had the honor of speaking beside this beautiful woman above, Jessica Cox.  Jessica was born without any arms and as you can see she has learned how to use her feet to literally do just about anything!

She can drive, tie her own shoes, surf and even fly an airplane!  Coming from someone who used to surf a lot, I’m amazed that is even possible considering how hard it is WITH ARMS!  BUT, I know it is because I got to see a video of her doing it and she even showed us how she puts on makeup using her feet!  AMAZING!

I was truly inspired and it kind of made me sit back and think “what in the world am I doing with my life” when I had the opportunity to hear her speak and learn how much she has gotten creative over the course of her life to find ways to do things without arms.  Can you imagine how many hundreds of times she had to practice things to learn how to do it without using her hands?

Most of the time, we try something once or twice and if we can’t do it, we give up.  When you don’t have an option like Jessica on some things, you would keep going until you figured out a new way or until you COULD do it.

It’s given me a new perspective on a few things, especially when teaching yoga to my students. So many times people want to give up and say that they “can’t” do something.  I say we CAN, it’s only just a matter of time or how long we are willing to keep trying and in some cases to build up the strength so we can.

Are you willing to try a little harder on something you think you can’t do?

How do you think you would feel if you were able to do something you thought that you’d never be able to do?

Would you be willing to stop telling yourself the lies around limiting yourself and your capabilities and see where you can maybe step it up a notch so that you can live out your greatness?

What Does Equanimity Mean To You?

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This week, I’ve been looking at what equanimity means to me and this has been the theme of the yoga classes I’ve been teaching.

I’ve been working through Baron Baptiste’s book for the 2nd time – 40 Days to Personal Revolution and this also happens to be the focus for the week.

I love how he says in the book “Equanimity is the art of meeting life as it meets you – calmly, without drama or fuss.”  And he also says that “we change by finding equanimity learning to relax right in the middle of conflict-filled moments.”

Even yoga can seem like conflict sometimes and that’s what I’ve had my students take a look at this week.  We can be in situations and start to panic because we think it hurts or we can’t stay any longer because we are too tired or get too shaky to continue.

So, whether we decide to stay in a pose, get out, we are shaky or lose our balance, can we still stay calm in these times?

Can you still stay calm when things aren’t going your way?  Can you stay calm when life hands you things that you weren’t expecting that take away from the things you wanted to be spending your time on?

I’ve noticed that meditation helps me a lot with staying calm in these moments.  The more that I can relax and stay calm during meditation, the more it carries out through the rest of my life.

If you do not have a regular meditation practice, would you be willing to try and just meditate for 5 minutes a day the next week?  The 40 days book I mentioned above suggests working up to 30 minutes 2ce a day.  So, could you just commit to 5 minutes a day to start?  It just might be the best 5 minutes of your day and you could begin to see you enjoy it so much you may end up wanting more.

You can sit in a comfortable seated position (best if knees are below your hips, so sitting on a pillow or blanket can help) and just take big deep breaths in and out through your nose.  As you recognize thoughts and sounds, try and let them pass through without judging them.  Just go right back to your breathing and pay attention to your next breath.  When it happens again, repeat and go back to your breath.  Set a timer for how long you want to meditate and when the timer goes off you can go about the rest of your day hopefully a little more calm and peaceful and you will have certainly given your mind & body a huge gift!