Do you really know the people that you are judging?
As I was getting some work done at a coffee shop today, I was reminded of this quote by Abraham Lincoln. Even though I try not to, sometimes I make judgments about people when I don’t even know anything about them.
I had an interaction with someone that I had never met before where I noticed that I began labeling them as “not very friendly” and “unhappy” and a little “rude” without knowing anything about their situation.
It’s amazing to me how much first impressions really can impact what others think of you and I was reminded of that as well. How do I come across the first time that people meet me? Am I always present and make them feel like I’m 100% with them and have them feel heard or like I see them for who they really are? I wish I could say that I do that all the time.
When I come across people that I find myself starting to judge, I try and catch myself and start to ask myself questions to get more curious about who they really are.
I’d like to challenge you to try and catch yourself the next time you find yourself judging someone to ask yourself a few questions and have compassion for what could be going on in their lives that you will never know about.
Here are a few possibilities of questions that you could ask yourself:
1) I wonder what they might have experienced in their life to have them have this type of personality?
2. I wonder what they might have going on in their life today that I am not aware of? Perhaps someone they love dearly is really sick or they could have lost a loved one recently. Maybe they lost their job and are wondering how they are going to be able to pay the bills. Or maybe an important relationship that they cherished has just come to an abrupt ending.
3. I wonder what they are yearning for in their life and not receiving or don’t know how to ask for and what kind of hurt they might be feeling as a result?
Occasionally, we get the opportunity to actually learn more about the people that we judge and sometimes it’s a shocking experience to realize the world that they are living in every day. I’ve even had experiences where once I have learned more about someone I’m actually amazed that they are able to do the thing that I was judging them for before and thinking things could be a lot worse.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend filled with love and compassion.