I used to be absolutely paralyzed by fear. I did nothing that deep down inside I was yearning to do.
Had you told me I was insecure, I would have laughed at you and told you that you were crazy.
And then I learned that I was so incredibly insecure and absolutely paralyzed by fear. Like possibly one of the most insecure and terrified people out there.
My worst nightmare would have been for you to put me in front of a room or at a “club” and ask me to dance. I felt so stupid because I grew up performing all of my life. Therefore, it would have had to have been perfect. I couldn’t play music or sing because it would have to be good enough to be on stage.
I couldn’t be a yoga teacher because I would never be good enough and besides, “I had no idea what I was doing” anyway. I couldn’t be a life coach because I was too afraid that I wouldn’t be able to help anyone and I certainly couldn’t start my own business because it could fail.
I was afraid of truly giving myself 100% in a relationship and being vulnerable, open and honest and loving someone completely and allowing someone to love me because I was afraid of getting hurt. That fear had me walk all over people and end up hurting them instead.
Once I knew the truth, it literally set me free. It became a challenge for me to face each one head on and you know what?!?! While some have been harder than others, most have been so much fun and freeing that they bring so much joy in my life.
As of today, I am a business owner. I am a life coach. I am a yoga instructor. I am a dance teacher. I am taking guitar lessons. I am writing. I am happy. I have so much joy in my life. I am vulnerable. My heart is open and full of love to be shared.
When I’m taking guitar lessons and my instructor asks me to sing along at the same time to take my mind off what I’m doing with the guitar, I’m absolutely petrified and my voice shakes, but I choose to do it anyway.
As a recovering perfectionist, I am able to laugh at myself when I mess up in a dance class, when I pause in a yoga class because I have no idea where I want to take my students next or say something that sounds completely ridiculous (to me) or I get tongue tied.
And I’ll tell you one thing I do know for certain…it’s a much more enjoyable, joyful life than the one I lived before. I’d rather sound and look like a total moron and be having the time of my life than be absolutely paralyzed by fear and doing nothing. A paralyzed life is one based in misery. Trust me, I’ve been there.
When I feel the fear come up now I am able to catch it and make a decision to shift into knowing that I can do anything I set my mind to and enjoy the ride along the way.
You can do absolutely anything you want to do if you make a decision to face the fear and take the first step. Then the second. And then the third. Each step along the way shows you that you can take the other. You really do just have to take the first step.
The fact that I’m writing a blog is a miracle in itself. I’ve always said that I write like a 5th grader. But, you know what, who cares, I will continue to write from my heart and whether or not I’m writing it just for myself or something may strike a chord for one person and speak to you, then for that I am so grateful.
I’d like to challenge you to start doing something you’ve been talking about doing that you might be afraid to do. Pick up an instrument, write the book, get a new job, start dating, start working out or have that difficult conversation you’ve been needing to have.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have the courage to say “I’m sorry” or the courage to say “I love you” even if you cry a little or your voice shakes. And trust me, mine shakes ALOT. And then peace and joy quickly follow for myself and hopefully others.
You too have something to say or share with others and beauty inside of you that is just dying to get out and shine. Let your beautiful light shine. As Kyle Bidlack (one of the most beautiful friends that I have) always signs off saying and I wish this to each and every one of you beautiful souls… Shine On… (actually for you Mr. Bidlack, that’s shine on… 😉 thank you my amazing friend)