Category Archives: Mental and Spiritual

What If You Are One Decision Away From Having The Life You Want?

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What if you are just one decision away from a totally different life?

What would be the new decision you would have to make in order for it be the life you want?

What is the life you want to create?  Mine is one of effortlessness.

I want everything that I do to come with ease and effortlessness and leave me coming from a place of peace, love and joy.

I believe the decision I have to make in order to have that happen is to try easier.  To trust that the perfect things are happening in my business to create exactly what I want.  I want to help others and make a huge impact in this world and in order to do that I need to trust that I am doing the right things to continue to make that happen.

I find that when I stress over things and overanalyze situations, I am living opposite of effortlessness.  And ironically, I believe that as teachers, we teach what we need the most.  So, as a stress relief speaker, I do still find that I need things to continue to help lower my stress at times.  When I am in the flow of things and having fun is when I don’t have 1,000 things planned that I’m trying to juggle that seemed forced and just enjoy life and “work” as it all unfolds perfectly.

I have freed my schedule up dramatically over the past few weeks to allow things to flow with ease.  I also find that when I have an intention of how I want my day to go about, my day runs much more effortlessly.  Whether I say it out loud, right it down, or just think it, I always find it helpful to have an intention set for the day before me and it’s amazing to watch the day mirror what it is that I’ve said I want to happen.

I was trained as a yoga instructor at a Baron Baptiste affiliated studio.  For the past few weeks I have been revisiting some of his principles and reading sections of his book, Journey Into Power in my classes.  Baron has many helpful phrases to help attain mental shifts. Questions to ask yourself around finding ways to “try easy” would be:

Where am I holding on?
Am I holding onto tension, or to my ideal of what I am “supposed to” be doing?
Where can I let go more?
Where can I struggle less?
Where can I just surrender?
-from Journey Into Power by Baron Baptiste

These are the questions I’m going to keep up in front of me as I’m consciously shifting out of stress and tension and overanalyzing so I can “TRY EASY” and shift into effortlessness.

Maybe your decision needs to be around taking care of your body, stopping an unhealthy behavior that is damaging your health, getting out of a toxic relationship or just simply learning to love yourself more.

Would you be willing to take a deeper dive into asking yourself these questions over the next few weeks and consider making a new decision?

What if you were just one decision away from a totally different life?

What would be the new decision you would have to make to have it be the life you want?

You just might be surprised at how your life could change.

Also, a quick blog update – my blogs will be more spread out now vs. on a monthly basis necessarily and I will just be posting as I have things I’d like to share.

Hope you can find ways to start making new decisions to bring you the life that you’ve always wanted!

Until next time…

Not So Halloweeny FEAR & Moving To Monthly Blog Posts

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Fear

I hope you all had a safe and Happy Halloween!  Today, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about FEAR considering the holiday that we celebrated this weekend.

This is a photo I took months ago at a Blue October show in Dallas.  The lead singer, Justin, is an inspiration of someone who has overcome a lot of fear in his life, not to mention, an incredibly talented performer.

From a list ranging of things from drugs, alcohol and suicidal thoughts, I’ve heard him say how he had times where he’d play a show and not only not be able to be present with the audience, but that he’d meet people and not remember them.  Sadly, I can relate.  I hated myself for so long and didn’t even realize it, so I’d continue to do things to hate myself to stay in that familiar place.

It took me many years of working with multiple coaches to work through all of my mess to where I could love myself and want the best life I could have.  Now, my greatest passion is helping others be able to do the same.  I love helping people see the ways that they are sabotaging their greatness so that they can live their life to their fullest potential.

A few months ago, I was being interviewed for a friends book where she was interviewing female entrepreneurs and since she is a performer herself, she asked me the question “if you could have a theme song for your business, what would it be” where I replied, “Fear, by Blue October” which I know was a very odd response.

I then explained how I used to let FEAR run my life and that I would sabotage myself all the time and that this song was so inspiring to me to see the transition that Justin has made in his life and it is a reminder for me to keep pushing and believing that anything is possible, including the joy that I have been able to find over the past few years after being so miserable for so long.

I saw Blue October in Richardson, Texas at a show a few months after this one above where Justin was so connected to the audience that he even came out and jumped around and sang with us.  Now, I’ve been privileged enough over the past 12 years to book and work with multiple celebrities to speak at events and even gotten to meet a few of my biggest idols, so I’ve noticed over the years that sadly nothing seems to phase me anymore…so, it was a joy to be giddy with my husband and our friend as we were walking away from the show saying “I touched him” like we were in high school, lol.  What a joy to see someone transform so much into such a powerful influencer with a very strong and inspiring message to share with others.  It is always an honor to see him perform and makes my heart sing with joy.

If you’ve never seen Blue October’s video for the song FEAR, CLICK HERE and for an extra bonus, here is the ACOUSTIC VERSION.

Here is a PREVIOUS FEAR POST that I wrote about where I shared in more detail all of the things I used to be scared of and how I managed to go towards them and not let the FEAR win.  Since that post, I got married (9 months ago) and have spoken to groups of hundreds of people and both of these things that I would have thought to be so scary in the past have brought me so much joy.

I also had an experience where I spoke in front of some of the top speaker agents in the world and had more fear penetrating through my body than I knew possible and wanted so bad just to run off the stage and quit, but I worked through my shaking, terrified trembling body and voice and did it anyway.  I managed to loosen up a bit before it was all over, but it prepared me to now speak in front of hundreds of people and be okay with it.  If we can manage to continue to put ourselves in situations that scare the crap out of us, it gets easier and easier and we can live out our greatness and do what we were born to do, as a result.

What causes you fear that you know you really want to do?
What steps can you take today, this week, this month to go towards that thing so you can stop sabotaging your greatness?

Are you willing to commit to taking a scary step so you can find true joy and be the person you are here to be?

TRIESSENCE has moved to a monthly blog post versus bi-weekly, so my apologies in waiting so long to get one out.

In the meantime, I hope you find a way to figure out something that scares you, but you know you want to do and DO IT ANYWAY.

Why I Loved Being Technology Free For A Week

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I just returned from a vacation where I was technology free for 8 days and it was truly amazing.

I had only done this once before since the time I started carrying a cell phone.  However, I had never actually left it at home where I didn’t even look at my phone to see if there were any emergencies.  Traveling out of the country, this created a bit of anxiety, but I got over it very quickly.

Locking my phone up in my glove box at the airport gave me a little bit of anxiety.  I was wondering what I may miss and concerned about any messages coming through.  It was my 40th birthday and I was also worried about coming across as rude when I received birthday wishes and didn’t respond.

It was important of course to set it up to where I had things covered as much as possible. My family and in-laws knew the hotel information to call in case of a family emergency and  I had someone covering my business for me that was on my out of office on email voice mails for people to know who to contact in my absence.

As soon as I arrived at the beautiful resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, I forgot all about it.  Literally, any anxiety about it disappeared and I immediately started relaxing and enjoying myself.  If you are used to working a lot or being attached to your phone, this may have to be a conscious decision that you have to make for yourself, but it came pretty easy for me.

What I learned from being technology free for 8 days:

  1. I didn’t miss my phone.  At all.
  2. There were no emergencies.
  3. Life went on just fine back home without me.
  4. People are so addicted to their phones that I even spotted one guy in the pool with a waterproof cover wrapped around his neck so he could have it on him while he was floating in the water.
  5. I found #4 to be very sad.
  6. I am so much more present with my husband and the people around me without the distraction of technology.
  7. I want to make this a yearly tradition to take time to go without technology.  I think it’s healthy to see how dependent we are on it and to take a break.
  8. I’d like to use my phone less.
  9. Through discussing it with a friend upon my return, I was reminded that productivity in the workplace is astonishingly low due to being able to use cell phones during working hours.
  10. I survived.  And, you would too.  I highly recommend it!

If a whole week scares you, perhaps try starting with small bits of time.  Would you be willing to give yourself a little break from your phone this weekend?

I believe anything we can do to be more present for ourselves and to others is the greatest PRESENT we can possibly give ourselves and each other.

Cheers to less phones and more real face to face connection!

P.S. If you did the 2 week meditation challenge I posted on my last blog, I would love to hear how it went for you.  Feel free to shoot me an email at tessa@findyourtriessence.com.

I Would Have To Say The Actual Event Is Better Than The Anticipation!

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angelbraceletI would have to say the actual event is better than the anticipation.  That is, if you can be present at the event.  Here’s a photo from one of my favorite moments from the day that I talked about on my last blog.

My dream came true of getting to dance with my dad and finally celebrate my marriage.  Even though it was just a family dinner and nothing super fancy, we still had my dad walk me outside following my sweet niece pictured above dropping rose petals where they led me to my wonderful husband where my dad said a prayer for us to bless our marriage.

Planning a family dinner was like planning a mini wedding, but it turned out to be absolutely perfect!  And, the event WAS way better than the anticipation of it!  I got to be very blessed by some beautiful ladies earlier that afternoon that threw me a shower and celebrate with some amazing women and I was very honored.

It’s a bit overwhelming when the party is over and you are sitting in a room full of gifts feeling so loved by so many.  I was amazed at what people did for us and am so grateful.  I made it a point to be as present as I could be in every moment.

Back to the picture…I had given my niece a couple of gifts as awards for being the best “flower girl” and about 10 minutes later, while I was dancing with my dad, she came up and gave me the bracelet she was wearing.  It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.  How does a tiny little 3 year old brain think to do something like that?  Almost like in a funny peace offering sort of way or just “hey, you gave me something, now I want to give you this” and I found out later it was her favorite one.

I still have that bracelet sitting out where I can see it every day and remember such a sweet memory.  To see that beautiful face look up at me with the sweetest angelic little face is a memory I will remember for the rest of my life.

Next time you are anticipating an event, I encourage you to try and be present in all of the moments.  The planning – breathe through the stress and enjoy it because it should be fun too…the actual event – plan ahead and have someone with you to help take care of things so you can enjoy every moment happening around you.

I will also never forget the anticipation of our pool getting ready before the party.  We’ve been remodeling our new home for months and up until a few days prior it was an ugly  hole full of rust.  I just kept telling myself not to worry and that it would all be done in time.  It became swimmable at 4pm the day of the party and our family started arriving at 5pm.  So, my husband and I christened the pool by jumping in fully clothed.  Dress, dress shirt and all.  It was a blast!

Amazing things happen to us all the time and can happen in a flash and be gone in an instant.  If you are present and soaking it all in, the memories can last a lifetime.

Here’s to you having many loving and happy memories to last you a lifetime.

Hope you have a safe and happy weekend!

Is The Anticipation Or The Actual Event Better?

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Is the anticipation or the actual event better?

I’ve been asking myself that this week as I get ready to prepare to have a belated wedding celebration with my family.  I got married in February and we decided to do our vows just the two of us and have a party later.  We decided to have a family dinner for the party and that is happening this weekend.

Some wonderful ladies are also throwing me a girly shower this weekend, so I am over the top excited about both of them.  This is my first marriage at 39 years old and I have butterflies in my tummy for the dinner and shower tomorrow like a 10 year old girl.

I’m wondering if the anticipation is better or the actual event?  For over a month I’ve been planning and buying stuff for the dinner and having a blast making plans.  I have caught myself even wondering what it will be like when everyone leaves that night because it will all be over and it seems sad.

Then, I realize that’s not being present and staying in the moment and this is teaching me to live more moment to moment and enjoy it all.

Today, I have a list of more things than I can probably possibly get done, but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.

And stay tuned for next time where I discover which is better…the anticipation or the event.

I’m not sure I would want the event happening in the picture above, but as a previous surfer, I imagine the anticipation alone would be totally worth it.

When Things Don’t Go Your Way…

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What do you do when things don’t go your way?

You have two options. You can get upset about it all day or you can make the most of it.

I moved to a new city last Friday. The house my husband and I are remodeling was not quite ready, so we had to move everything in the garage and we are staying with his parents.

Due to the ice and snow in the Dallas area the past few weeks, things have been prolonged even more, so what started as a few days delayed is now coming up on a week with a few more days to go. This is not what we had planned.

Today I went to upload a coaching video that I need to have turned in to a company today and it has taken 9 hours to upload. Not what I had planned.

So, for my Daily Reset Break today, I am sending this to you all to ponder this question for yourselves around what do you do when things don’t go your way?

I couldn’t get another video out in time today because my computer is still staying I have an hour to go. I’m so nervous just typing this afraid that it could come unplugged and that I would have to start all over again or that I am slowing things down just be being on the computer.

So, the whole point of the story is…what have I done since things haven’t been going my way?

I’ve made the best of it. I’ve gotten to hang out with my new in-laws and spend quality time together that we hadn’t had yet. I made some Daily Reset Break videos with my Mother-In-Law yesterday and this is one of the ones that we had fun recording together. The best part is that I’m dressed up in her fun wintery snow clothes and boots. I had a blast!

I encourage you next time things don’t go your way to stop and decide what you are going to do. Are you going to spend the day being upset or could you possibly make the choice to take deep breaths and decide to make the best out of the situation that has been handed to you?

I chose the latter and it has been a true blessing…

I Got Married Friday…Are You Happy About It?

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I got married Friday…are you happy about it?

What an odd question, right?

What I mean by that is what does something like a happy moment like this for me bring up for you?  Are you happy and excited for me or do you have any thoughts around how you wish you were married or engaged, wish your relationship was still fresh and new or even thinking that I’m crazy for getting married!?!?

And, what do you want for yourself?

Because if you want a relationship or you want marriage and you look at people who are right in the middle of it and you have any other feeling other than joy and happiness for that person, you just might be causing a relationship to be further and further out of reach for you.  Or, at least a really healthy one or one that you will want long term.

Let me back up a minute so this doesn’t sound like I’m coming from a harsh place as I want this to come from the most loving place as possible…

I was listening to webinar recently about huge business and financial success and I loved that what I gathered from it was the reminder that if those things are something that you want and when you see others that have it that if we are happy for them, we can attract that even closer to ourselves.  Like attracts like.  And yes, I believe in prayer and timing and all sorts of other things too, but I also know without a doubt in my mind that like attracts like.  If we are having the best day of our life, we come in contact with other happy people.  If we are negative Nelly, somehow we come in contact with negative people.  And the list goes on and on.

My favorite thing that this guy said (from memory, so butchered a bit I’m sure and I so wish I could remember his name to reference him here!) was if you look at the guy driving the Porsche and you have any sort of negative views around people with money and stereotypes such as people with money are bad people in any way and you want to be a good person, then you will never be as wealthy and successful as you want to be because what you want and what you think and believe don’t match up.  Or if you obviously think that you could never afford something like that, more than likely you won’t ever be able to.  He suggested thinking “wow, he must have done a lot of great things for people to be able to afford a car like that” instead and I loved that!

I met my husband (oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just typed husband!) when I was in the healthiest place I’ve ever been in in my life emotionally and spiritually and it is no surprise to me that I attracted someone that also was in that healthy space.  And yes, it might have taken me years of personal development to get in that space and not so much for him, but hey, we are all different, right!?!?!? 😉

But, for about a year before we met, I was surrounded by people a lot younger than I am getting married and I could have easily slipped into the whole mindset of “I’m going to be alone”, “I’m getting too old”, etc.

But, you know what?  I wanted a relationship and I dreamed of a healthy relationship with so much love and respect for one another and there was never an ounce of doubt in my mind that I was not going to have a beautiful one.   And I do.

And, I do.

With tears of joy and wishing you the same…

Photo credit:  Emily Davis – http://emilydavisphoto.com Taken at our engagement on a rooftop in Denton, Texas 🙂

What Is Your Gift To Bring Out The Best In Others?

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Do you know what you do to bring out the best in others?

I realized lately that I don’t love getting my picture taken.  I’m working on launching a new product here soon and got some photos taken to go along with the project and to update my website.

I noticed how awkward I was at first and then how brilliant my friend and photographer, Hal Samples was at bringing out a different side of me that was much more comfortable and playful.

He put on just the right tunes blaring in the background to make me loosen up and I was even playing air guitar on my leg and jumping up and down a bit.  I ended up having a blast!

What is your gift that helps people feel comfortable enough that you bring out the best in them?

Are you a good listener, provide a safe space or maybe just the right amount of humor to lighten things up?

How often to you use your gift and would you be willing to use it more?

What could you start doing today to use it more so that people can benefit from your gift?

I hope some of you participated in keeping a gratitude journal leading up to Thanksgiving and that you had a wonderful holiday.  This blog is coming in late due to all my celebrating, but I had a fabulous time.  If you enjoyed keeping a journal, I’d love to hear from you.  You can shoot me an email to share any comments tessa@findyourtriessence.com

Until next time…may you find ways to continue to bring out the best in others…

Photo credits:  Hal Samples – www.halsamples.com 

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Gratitude Challenge Until Thanksgiving

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Are you up for a gratitude challenge until Thanksgiving?

Every morning I pull out a notebook and make a list when I wake up that starts with “I am grateful for” and I write down everything I can think of that I’m grateful for that morning.  I keep the notebook in a drawer next to my bed.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to start our day out with gratitude.  We have a choice each and every day to decide to be positive or negative and this is a great way to get the positive things flowing out of us and back to us.

I’ve been doing this for almost a year now and when I first started, I immediately noticed a lot of positive things flowing my way from being in that space.  Like attracts like.  If you have positive thoughts and think positive things, more will come, it’s just the way it works.

I took a break for a bit and noticed the negativity creeping back in, so I got the notebook back out and now I’m hooked.

Did you know that it is impossible for your brain to be grateful and triggered at the same time?

So, the next time you are upset about something, frustrated or anxious, try shifting your attention to things you are grateful for and see what happens to your mood.  You might be surprised how you feel afterwards.

Would you be willing to keep a gratefulness journal from now until Thanksgiving?  And then on Thanksgiving Day, you could make an even longer list of all the things you are thankful for and then decide if you want to keep it going after the holiday.

A lot of times I repeat things on my list, but I’m sure we could get creative and make them original every single day if we really wanted to!  Even if you think you have nothing to be grateful for, I promise, you do!  It could be as simple as having a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a computer to be reading this on and vision to be able to read.  With the cold weather here, I think about the fact that there are so many people in the world that don’t even have heat and I cannot fathom what that would be like to have to sleep in those conditions, which makes it easy for me to be grateful for a warm house and bed, if anything.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and may you find many things to be grateful for along the way.

We Are Powerful Beyond Measure

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I was in London last week with a coaching client watching him do what he was born to do showing a documentary film that he had created and I was reminded of this quote below by Marianne Williamson.

This is one of my favorite quotes.  It speaks for itself, so I’ve really got nothing else left to say other than when I was on the trip watching a client of mine fulfill his dreams and having the opportunity to let his light shine brightly, I was reminded once again that we all have the ability to do anything that we could ever possibly want to do.  There is absolutely no reason to play small.

Here’s hoping that you play as big as you can for the next two weeks until we meet again. I’d like to challenge you to ask yourself where you are playing small and what you would need to do in order to have your light shine as bright as possible.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

– Marianne Williamson