Are you really listening when other people speak?
Do you think about what you are going to say next or actually listen to them?
Lately, I have been observing my listening patterns and I have found two different types of situations where not only did I have a hard time listening to others, but I hardly even gave them a chance to speak.
Typically, I think I’m pretty good at listening. I mean, I am a coach, so let’s certainly hope so, right?!?!
I think alot of us tend to talk alot and not listen when we are afraid we are being misunderstood. I had an experience not too long ago where I think I rattled off for about three hours straight just so the person I was talking to could understand me more and see where I was coming from and in the end I realized I couldn’t even remember the things that they said because I wasn’t even listening and was so focused on when it would be my turn again so I could continue to try and get my points across.
The next type of conversation that I had where I noticed this was with a friend who I consider to be very wise. I had alot going on one night when we were having dinner and I did the same thing. I rattled on and on for hours without barely giving her a chance to speak.
Luckily, in this case, when the “wise one” spoke, I actually still heard it, but I never once stopped and said, “hey, what’s going on with you that we can talk about” and you know sometimes wise ones need to talk and need someone to listen to them also! So later I went back and have given her a free pass to a night to talk all about her where I have promised not to steal the conversation.
What types of conversations do you not give people a chance to speak or where when they do, you are not listening?
Next time you are at dinner with someone or having a nice long conversation, pay attention to how well you are listening. When we are thinking about what we are going to say next or wondering if there will be uncomfortable silence and thinking about what kind of brilliant question we could ask next or comparing something someone said to a story in our own lives, we are NOT listening.
Most people are afraid of going into a conversation not knowing where it will lead. Would you be willing to go into your next long conversation with absolutely no agenda? Nothing you want to share. Nothing specific you want to know. Just let the conversation unfold.
People give you information to talk about if you just listen. If you let someone complete their thoughts without interrupting them and are purely listening, when they are finished speaking, you will know the next thing to say or have a great question to ask. And I challenge you to make it a question vs. a thing to say. If you ask someone one or two more questions about something they just said, I think you’ll be amazed at some of the beautiful things you can learn. But first, you must be willing to just listen.